February 24, 2015
How can you tell the difference between running towards something good and nurturing, and running away from something that is just too challenging for you to face?
I have been living in a Tower moment for months – I felt it bearing down on me, standing at my shoulder, waiting. I submitted to it, or so I thought. I released everything from my life and attempted to start again. But still the feeling of chaos, of ripped up roots, hangs onto my heart. Still I feel like I’m running.
What if the Tower moment isn’t about abandoning ship and running off to calmer waters – but about sticking it out, seeing it through, following the current, and holding on for dear life to the things that have mattered?
I thought I was starting a new life for myself. I thought I needed to drop everything and escape in order to become the woman I want to be. I could almost taste her, she was so close. And then… when it all got pulled from under my feet, I realised that I was placing my power in the hands of another. Again. I was chasing after ready-made passion, chasing after a perfect happiness that could be found and kept and held onto forever.